I met my friend Mary Kay when my family moved to Houston for my husband’s job.

During our 6 years there, my daughter became besties with Sofia, and I found a close friend in her mother. Mary Kay is the full package; she’s been a force in business, working for one of Houston’s top real estate developers, became a devoted mom to two girls later than most, and lost her beloved mother to the anguish of Alzheimer’s Disease.

Watching her triumph has been a wonderful example of persistence, courage and love. I’ll let her tell you the story.

–Daisy Malek-Shadid

Love, loss and a lesson from my best friend.

**A Young Mary Kay with Loving Mother and Brothers**

My brothers used to say, *your feet didn’t touch the ground until you were three*.

My mom was my best friend. To us, it just came naturally.

My parents married young. Both were from Italian Catholic families. In the 1950s, soon after they married, my dad fought in the Korean war. When he came home, they just couldn’t seem to have kids. Then, after a five-year wait, they had my brother, then another boy followed by a third boy. I came along when my mom was 36. My brothers used to say, ‘your feet didn’t touch the ground until you were three.’

I was raised in Houston and developed a close relationship with my mom from a young age. She taught me to cook, and one tradition we treasured was preparing holiday meals together. I had friends and liked boys but, unlike my parents who were a couple starting in grade school, I didn’t have a steady boyfriend until after college. I had to kiss a lot of frogs.

Then I found myself in a serious relationship. He was a nice guy and very successful. After six years of dating, we got engaged. But one week before the wedding, I broke it off. It was a heartbreaking decision, but there was a persistent little voice inside, telling me this: You’re not going to make each other happy. Ending it was devastating.

By this time, all my friends were married and having kids, and I had to start over. I figured I’d be one of those women who never got her happy ending.

Getting involved

Then I met Phillip. We met shortly after he got out of the Navy where he had traveled the world before settling in Houston. He was three years younger than me, and though I knew he liked me, I was still cautious because of my first mistake. After three years, Phillip finally brough through, and we got married. Part of the credit goes to my mom who told me later that she prayed and did rosaries in hopes that I’d find a good man. As she used to say, “Find a man who will listen and has similar values of family and faith.” I did.

Before we married, I told Phillip that, at 38, I probably would not be able to have children. One month after the wedding, I got pregnant.

My mom and dad were beyond joy. We named our little girl Sofia Marie after my mom. You’d think life would be nothing but bliss, but that’s not always how it goes – even when good things happen.

I had a severe case of post-partum depression. It was a world wind of changes: getting married, having a baby, deciding to leave my job of 15 years with a top real estate developer. and becoming a full-time mom. Without my mother’s support, I don’t know how I would have gotten through it. But, before I knew it, the holidays were upon us.

Mom and I engaged in our usual pre-holiday baking event; a special bonding time for us. But something was wrong. I had gotten through three pies, and my mom kept tossing her efforts into the trash. I turned to her and said, “What’s wrong?” She just kept saying the same thing over and over: “I can’t seem to do this.”

“Mom and I engaged in our usual pre-holiday baking event…”

***(Mother with granddaughter)***

The vanishing

After the incident at Christmas, there were other moments when Mom’s brain seemed to be off. I finally convinced my dad we needed to take her to see a doctor. A month later, mom had her first test for Alzheimer’s. At 78, she was diagnosed with a mild cognitive disorder.

Her decline was dismayingly rapid. A few months later, another test showed the disease had progressed. They calculated she had about 4 more years to live. This was crushing for me.

Being able to talk with my mom faded away. She was no longer coherent. This broke my heart. She was the friend I confided in, and she never judged me. She was my biggest cheerleader and my biggest critic, but she never shamed or intentionally hurt me.

In 2017, at Christmas, my dad couldn’t wake her. My mother was hospitalized with a urinary tract infection and the flu. What followed was a series of infections, a bout with sepsis, and even a hip replacement. Her weight dropped to 90 pounds, and she could no longer walk or talk. The disease was relentless, and she died at 84.

A way forward

During mom’s decline, we were in the process of building a house. Shortly after moving in, I got pregnant with my second little girl. At 44! All this turned out to be a gift from God. I was so busy I didn’t have time to feel angry or go into prolonged grieving.

When I lost my mom, I wanted to contribute to others facing Alzheimer’s. I found an organization called The Nantz National Alzheimer’s Center. They offer care and research for patients dealing with the disease. I was invited to be on their leadership council and was able to raise $100,000. My work with the council was another gift from God.

My dad died in 2020 in his sleep. But before this, he was broken hearted at the loss of his lifelong partner. That’s when we found Bruno, a full-of-love Bernie Doodle. My girls wanted a dog for the longest time as did my husband. I couldn’t be the only hold-out. Into our lives came this curly-haired bundle of love. My brothers like to say, “Bruno is a family member reincarnated.” You’ll get no argument from me.

What did I learn from this surprising journey?
Some important lessons: the person you think you can’t live without will one day be gone. The family you thought you’d never have can happen, even when you think you’re too old. And the God you thought had taken from you what you loved most can bestow gifts beyond your expectations.

Never give up.

La Jolie MLN: ”It’s our mission to give young ladies the lessons all of you can share with us. So, let’s share our experiences, strength and stories.

I cordially invite you to join a cohort of empowered women. Please send your stories to Blog@lajolie-mln.com