Susan’s Story
Susan and Friends
I was a junior in high school when I was invited to my first ‘drinking party.’
It was over Christmas vacation. All I remember was the initial high, then vomiting all over the kitchen in my friend’s house. Apparently, I curled up under the Christmas tree and passed out. When I woke up under the tree the next morning, I had a bad hangover and was sick for a day.
I didn’t drink again until Senior year. My friends and I went out to the clubs to dance. I always drank to access. However, I managed to maintain good grades and got into DePaul University in Chicago. A big city is not the ideal place for a college kid with a drinking problem, but then neither is any rural campus. If alcohol is your drug of choice, college serves as a natural breeding ground for addiction.
“I decided to repeat my second semester by doing a wildlife externship in South Africa”
–Susan
My parents were strict Christians; neither drank. In fact, I didn’t find out until decades later that I had two uncles who were alcoholics and died in their 40s. However, during college this never came up. My parents just insisted that I make good grades, and I did in spite of my hard partying on the weekends, which now included smoking pot and drinking in my dorm room alone…Southern Comfort and Dr. Pepper.
After graduating from college, I was accepted to veterinary school where the motto was ‘work hard, play hard.’ My play finally caught up with me. Vet school was a lot harder than I anticipated and I failed a class. The solution? I married my alcoholic boyfriend at 23. He couldn’t keep up in school or even hold a job, and he was both verbally and physically abusive. So, I decided to repeat my second semester by doing a wildlife externship in South Africa.
I trained with a famous wildlife vet. I worked with Cape buffalos, rhinos, hyenas and lions. The experience was life-changing in many ways, but not a cure for my addiction. As the only student in residence at the time, I was given a key to the kitchen and lounge—complete with a fully-stocked bar. I simply helped myself every night and was able to hide the hangovers during the day. While there, I decided to divorce my husband. My parents moved him out of my place and even offered to get him help , but he declined.
“Back in vet school, I found the love of my life. Chris was two years ahead of me.”.
–Susan
Back in vet school, I found the love of my life. Chris was two years ahead of me. We met during a spring break event, and it truly was love at first site. After vet school, we got engaged. By then, he’d seen me through two hospitalizations. My mother even told him, “Nobody would blame you if you left this relationship.” But he stuck it out and we married anyway.
I tried and failed at alcohol treatment several times. I just couldn’t seem to reach the moment of reckoning AA calls hitting bottom, and knowing you’re ready for sobriety. What ensued over the next few years was painful. I lost 2 jobs; one that I had for 8 years. I got arrested and was in jail for a couple of nights following a DUI. I did four months at a halfway house.
Interspersed with these incidents were times of recovery. I was able to remain sober during two pregnancies - before and after having my son and my daughter. But sooner or later my brain would play that same old song…this time it will be different. It never was.
Susan with daughter
The sea change finally happened when I started to commit to AA. I found a sponsor who has been like a second mother. She never gave up on me. I formed close friendships with the other women she sponsors. We are called Pidgeon Sisters and the support we provide each other is immeasurable. Chris joined Al Anon, and we started attending a “Couples in Recovery” meeting together, where we met others fighting the same battle. We made friends, worked the AA steps and formed lasting bonds.
Throughout Covid, I’ve made Zoom meetings my go-to, and that’s been a God-send. On the subject of God, that was a hard step for me. I had been molested by an adult male relative when I was a child. This lasted several years and left a deep scar. My parents’ faith didn’t work for me. But, over time, and with AA’s tenant of “turning your life over to a higher power of your understanding,” I was able to embrace spirituality.
“I have a lot to be grateful for”
I recently celebrated an anniversary and collected my 1-year coin. I have a lot to be grateful for. I finally understand why people in AA say they’re grateful for being an alcoholic. With AA, I am a better mom, a better wife, a better daughter and a better vet.
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